


Left on Read

by Icantswim



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer, One Direction
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, M/M, Text Messages, Tour Buses, Touring, Tours, group chats, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27618353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icantswim/pseuds/Icantswim
Summary: Tommo: i’ll smack you againPayno: not sure if he’s talking to niall or harryDJ Malik: -oopNialler- la la laNialler: i’m not listening
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	1. one

**_Tommo_ ** _has added_ **_Payno_ ** ,  **_DJ Malik_ ** ,  **_Harold_ ** , _and_ **_Nialler_ ** _to_ **_The Fantastic Four + Niall_ **

**Nialler** : ouch 

**Payno** : poor niall 

**Harold** : that’s not nice 

**Tommo** : he’ll get over it 

**Nialler** : no i won’t 

**Nialler** : i am emotionally scarred 

**Nialler** : is it because i’m irish? 

**Nialler** : that’s zenophobic 

**Payno** : that’s not how you spell it 

**DJ Malik** : you guys are zaynophobic 

**Harold** : no!

**Harold** : we love you 

**Nialler** : ^

**Tommo** : can we go back to bullying niall???

**Nialler** : duck off 

**Tommo** : how does one duck off?

**Nialler** : you know what I meant 

**Harold** : lou be nice

**Nialler** : yeah lou 

**Tommo** : i’ll smack you again 

**Payno** : not sure if he’s talking to niall or harry 

**DJ Malik** : -oop 

**Nialler** \- la la la 

**Nialler** : i’m not listening 

**Tommo** : shut up captain niall of the s.s. larry 

**Nialler** : you got me there 

**Payno** : i thought i was the captain of the ss larry. :(

**Nialler** : think again bitch 

**Harold** : pretty sure you’ll have to fight james corden on that one 

**Tommo** : or ed

**Harold** : facts

**Harold** : that dude outs us more than we do

**Niall** : i guess i’ve got to up my game 


	2. two

**_The Meme Team_ **

**Ash** : anybody see my indigo bandana???

**Cal** : did you seriously just use the word indigo?

**Ash** : well that’s the color!

**Mikey** : you could’ve just said blue

**Cal** : pretty sure it’s more of a purple

**Mikey** : no it’s blue

**Cal** : purple 

**Mikey** : blue

**Cal** : purple 

**Ash** : guys! 

**Ash** : not helping 

**Puke** : um ash

**Puke** : i think i found your indigo bandana 

**Ash** : sweet!

**Ash** : where 

**Puke** : not sure you want to know 

**Ash** : of course i want to know 

**Puke** : don’t say i didn’t warn you 

**Ash** : just tell me

**Puke** : it’s wrapped around one of thw sandwiches in the mini fridge 

**Ash** : WHAT???????

**Ash** : plz tell me your joking 

**Puke** : sorry babe

**Puke** : guess someone got a little too rowdy last night 

**Ash** : who was it???

**Ash** : mike or cal?

**Ash** : it had to be one of you 

**Cal** : whoa why just us?

**Mikey** : yeah what abt luke

**Puke** : if it was me then i wouldn’t of said where it was

**Mikey** : sounds sus to me 

**Cal** : i blame luke

**Mikey** : agreed 

**Puke** : fuck off 

**Puke** : it was definitely mikey

**Mikey** : was not

**Cal** : i vote mikey

**Mikey** : ur just throwing everyone under the bus 

**Mikey** : it was probs you then

**Cal** : lies

**Cal** : blasphemy 

**Cal** : slander 

**Ash** : mhm 

**Ash** : riiiiight 

**Ash** : cal you owe me bitch 


	3. three

**_Meme Team_ **

**Mikey** : at first I was afraid, I was petrified kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

 **Cal** : oh no did you and crystal break up

 **Mikey** : what? No… im just jammin

 **Cal** : well it that case

 **Cal** : just a small town girl living in a lonely world she took the midnight train going anywhere

 **Ash** : just a city boy born and raised in South Detroit he took the midnight train going anywhere

 **Mikey** : strangers waiting up and down the boulevard their shadows searching in the night streetlights people living just to find emotion hiding somewhere in the night

 **Cal** : don't stop believin hold on to that feeling streetlights people Ohohohhhhhhhhhh

 **Puke** : would you 3 shut up

 **Puke** : it’s literally four am and we have an interview at 8

 **Mikey** : dont be such a buzzkill lukey 

**Cal** : best song lyrics just to bother luke 

**Cal** : in 3

 **Cal** : 2

 **Cal** : 1

 **Cal** : go!

 **Ash** : coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because I want it all  
it started out with a kiss how did it end up like this? it was only a kiss it was only a kiss

 **Mikey** : turn around every now and then i get a little bit tired and your never coming round turning around bright eyes i really need you tonight! once upon a time I was falling in love but now im only falling apart nothing I can say a total eclipse of the heart

 **Puke** : oh my god

 **Puke** : die

 **Cal** : die! by my hand I creep across the land killing first born man die! by my hand I creep across the land killing first born man

 **Puke** : …

 **Ash** : come lukey you love metallica 

**Puke** : i do but not a 4 am via text

 **Mikey** : i don’t want no scrub. a scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me. hanging out the passenger side of his best friends ride trying to holla at me

 **Ash** : every night in my dreams i see luke i feel luke that is how i know you go on. near far wherever you are i believe that the heart goes on and on!!!

 **Cal** : sOmEbOdY oNcE ToLd mE tHe wOrLd wAs GoNnA RuLe Me I AiNt tHe sHaRpEst tOol iN tHe ShEd 

**Puke** : plz stop 

**Mikey** : my milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard and they’re like it’s better then yours damn right it’s better then yours i could teach you but if have to charge 

**Ash** : oh well imagine as im pacing the pews in a church corridor and I can't help but to hear no i can't help but to hear an exchanging of words

 **Mikey** : what beautiful wedding what a beautiful wedding says a bridesmaid to a waiter and yes but what a shame what a shame the poor grooms bride is a whore

 **Cal** : I chime in with a havent you people ever heard of closing the gosh dang door? no it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

 **Puke** : i’m two seconds from muting this chat

 **Ash** : wai wait wait 

**Ash** : i bet i got a song you can’t resist singing

 **Puke** : it better not be she looks so perfect

 **Ash** : it’s not

 **Puke** : fine, your on

 **Ash** : is this the real life? is this just fantasy?caught in a landslide no escape from reality

 **Cal** : open your eyes look up to the skies and see im just a poor boy i need no sympathy

 **Mikey** : Because im easy come easy go little high little low any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me to me

 **Ash** : mama just killed a man put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he's dead

 **Cal** : mama life had just begun but now ive gone and thrown it all away.

 **Mikey** : Mama ooh didn't mean to make you cry if I'm not back again this time tomorrow carry on carry on as if nothing really matters

 **Ash** : too late my time has come sends shivers down my spine bodys aching all the time

 **Cal** : goodbye everybody ive got to go gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

 **Ash** : seriously? nothing 

**Puke** : MAMA OOOOOOOOOOOO

 **Puke** : I DONT WANNA DIE I SOMETIMES WISH ID NEVER BEEN BORN AT ALL

 **Puke** : *epic brian may solo* 

**Ash** : ah ha! I got you bitch

 **Puke** : i couldnt resist bohemian rhapsody

 **Ash** : i don’t think anyone can

 **Cal** : you aren’t human if you can listen to bo rap and not sing

 **Mikey** : TRUTH

 **Puke** : bohemian rhapsody is the best song… dont @ me

 **Ash** : anyone who @s you need to be locked away in a loony bin for the rest of their miserable lives

 **Puke** : Rest is Peace Freddie Mercury

 **Mikey** : long live the king

 **Cal** : man i wish he was still alive

 **Ash** : dont we all

 **Puke** : okay i sang 

**Puke** : can i go back to sleep now?

 **Ash** : sure

 **Ash** : but one more thing 

**Ash** : SHE LOOKS SO PERFECT STANDING THERE IN MY AMERICAN APPAREL UNDERWEAR!!!!! 

**Puke** : i’m going to come over to your bunk and sit on you until you suffocate 

**Ash** : what a way to die

 **Ash:** asphyxiation by tonka truck

 **Puke** : piss off!!!!!!!! 


	4. four

**_The Fantastic Four + Niall_ **

**Payno** : I FINALLY KILLED IT!

**Harold** : umm… killed what exactly?

**Payno** : THE FLY THAT WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY

**Payno** : I HAVE HAD MY REVENGE. THE FLIES SHALL FEAR MY NAME AND TREMBLE IN MY MIGHTY PRESENCE

**Tommo** : why are you typing in all caps?

**Payno** : it emphasizes my point

**Payno** : now shut up, you’re ruining my victory speech 

**Payno** : ahem, where was I... THEY SHALL BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THEIR FALLEN BROTHER!

**DJ Malik** : you need to tone it down about 37 notches there lima 

**Payno** : smh 

**Harold** : anyways…

**Harold** : did you guys hear about that italian chef that died?

**Payno** : uh no?

**Harold** : yeah… he pasta way 

**Niall** : i hate you 

**Harold** : i cannoli do so much 

**Payno** : why are you like this?

**Harold** : at least his legacy will be a pizza history 

**Nialler** : that was so bad

**Harold** : i thought it was funny…

**Payno** : it was terrible

**Tommo** : you all can fuck off

**Tommo** : that was a wonderful joke hazza 

**Harold** : thanks lou <3

**Nialler** : step aside young harold… and let the comedic relief do his job

**Tommo** : if anyone here is comedic relief it’s me

**Harold** : ^

**Nialler** : sit and enjoy 

**Nialler** : what’s the difference between a pregnant woman and lightbulb 

**Payno** : i don’t think i want to know 

**Nialler** : you can unscrew a lightbulb 

**DJ Malik** : sksksksks

**Payno** : my turn

**Tommo** : this is going to be rough

**Payno** : shush

**Payno** : what do you call a person who refuses to fart in public?

**Tommo** : wtf payno

**Harold** : idk what?

**Payno** : a private tutor! 

**Tommo** : literally perish 

**Harold** : i liked it liam 

**DJ Malik** : my turn 

**Tommo** : this should be good

**DJ Malik** : what is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out wet and soft 

**Nialler** : a dick!

**DJ Malik** : bubble gum…

**DJ Malik** : jeez niall get your mind out of the gutter smh 

**Tommo** : okay so it’s established that i’m the funny one in this operation 

**Nialler** : nope sorry it’s me

**Tommo** : don’t be ridiculous 

**Nialler** : prove it then

**Tommo** : fine I will

**Tommo** : why did the cowboy get a wiener dog 

**Harold** : this better not be dirty lou 

**Tommo** : he wanted to get a long little doggie 

**Nialler** : not gonna lie my capris sun just came out of my nose

**Tommo** : niall you are 23 years old why are you still drinking capris sun 

**Nialler** : it’s delicious!

**Harold** : i don’t want to hear it louis

**Harold** : you eat dino nuggets like they’re your religion

**Tommo** : touché 

**Harold** : okay lima since you love to kill insects

**Harold** : come save me

**Payno** : why whats the issue

**Harold** : i’m in the bathroom and there is a moth by the sinks 

**Payno** : okay? i’m a bit confused 

**Harold** : i’m scared

**Payno** : of what?

**Harold** : the moth!

**Payno** : you are a grown ass man

**Payno** : you shouldn’t be afraid of a harmless moth

**Harold** : quit phobia shaming me

**Payno** : have your mans get it for you 

**Tommo** : i’m getting my picture taken 

**Tommo** : sorry 

**Harold** : please lima! 

**Payno** : ugh fine

**Harold** : plz hurry 

**Harold** : i’m about to cry in like 2 seconds 

**Payno** : Liam is dead. You’re next. Love, moth.

**Harold** : not funny!

**Payno** : sorry sorry 

**Payno** : it’s gone now 

**Harold** : did you kill it?

**Payno** : no i’m releasing it outside 

**Harold** : liam! wtf

**Harold** : why would you do that???

**Payno** : cuz they’re harmless…

**Harold** : harmless my ass 

**Harold** : one flew into my mouth once and i nearly choked and died 

**Payno** : you should’ve kept your mouth closed 

**Nialler** : that’s what he said!

**Payno** : shut up niall

**Payno** : i still can’t believe your afraid of a moth

**Payno** : you literally have one tattooed on your stomach 

**Harold** : it’s a butterfly! 

**Payno** : whatever same difference 

**Payno** : you used to never be afraid of bugs 

**Payno** : literally last week you held that 5 cm cock 

**Harold** : 5 cm? Louis’s is at least 20

**Payno** : that was supposed to say cockroach!!!

**DJ Malik** : i did not need to know that 

**Nialler** : my poor innocent church boy eyes

**DJ Malik** : says the one who made that lightbulb joke like 5 minutes ago

**Nialler** : you have no proof malik!

  
  
  



	5. five

_**Meme Team**_

**Cal** : omg 

**Cal** : mikey just got hit by a car hahahahaha

**Puke** : is he ya know… okay???

**Mikey** : ehh i’m fine 

**Puke** : well that’s a relief 

**Puke** : really didn’t feel like finding a new guitarist 

**Mikey** : there is a hole in my stomach tho 

**Puke** : wait what?????

**Mikey** : you know me 

**Mikey** : mr tough as nails 

**Mikey** : plus it’s not too big just the size of a quarter 

**Ash** : excuse me what?

**Cal** : don’t listen to him he’s high as a fucking kite 

**Mikey** : nuh uh 

**Cal** : shut up bitch 

**Cal** : that “hole” in your stomach is literally ur belly button 

**Mikey** : what da fuck is bElLyBuTtOn 

**Ash** : it’s too early for this shit 

**Puke** : just out of curiosity… how did mikey even get hit by a car?

**Cal** : i may or may not have threw his phone into the street and then dared him to get it with on coming traffic 

**Puke** : calum!!

**Ash** : ahahahaha 

**Mikey** : whoa whoa that is not what happened 

**Mikey** : i’m not that dumb 

**Ash** : i beg to differ 

**Cal** : okay then you nematode why don’t you tell us what happened 

**Mikey** : gladly 

**Mikey** : so me and cal were walking to mcdonald’s and morgan freeman was in the middle of the road and a big double decker bus was coming so i pushed him out of the way and got hit by bowser who tried to eat me but couldn’t so he sent me to egypt with santa claus 

**Ash** : wth???

**Puke** : what the flying fuck did i just read????

**Mikey** : the truth 

**Mikey** : you can’t handle the truth!!!!

**Ash** : umm

**Cal** : don’t mind him

**Cal** : he’s been yelling movie references since we he woke up from the anesthetics 

**Mikey** : nobody puts baby in a corner 

**Puke** : of course 

**Mikey** : toto i don’t think we’re in kansas anymore 

**Ash** : we never were in kansas to begin with 

**Puke** : don’t encourage him 

**Mikey** : hasta la vista baby!

**Ash** : I’ll be back 

**Mikey** : here’s johnny!

**Ash** : i thought your name was michael??

**Mikey** : get your stinking paws off of me you damn dirty ape

**Ash** : that’s not very nice 

**Mikey** : say hello to my little friend

**Puke** : oh my god i’m going to have a meltdown if you two don’t shut up 

**Mikey** : are you crying? there’s no crying in baseball!

**Puke** : i’m gonna kill you 

**Mikey** : houston we have a problem 

**Puke** : i give up

**Mikey** : alright alright alright 

  
  



	6. six

**Harold** : i’m renting harry potter who wants to watch em with me??

**Nialler** : i’m coming!!!!

**DJ Malik** : ^

**Tommo** : harry potter is so nerdy 

**Harold** : big bet if i pantsed you rn you would have gryffindor underwear on rn 

**Tommo** : just cuz they have lions on them doesn’t mean it’s harry potter 

**DJ Malik** : why does your underwear have lions on them?

**Tommo** : that is none of your business 

**Harold** : louis you literally slept with a dobby plushie when we lived in princess park

**Tommo** : HARRY!! 

**Tommo** : that is confidential information!!

**Harold** : sorry babe 

**Harold** : so anyways 

**Harold** : since you “hate harry potter” am i counting you out lou?

**Tommo** : fuck no i’m still coming 

**Nialler** : hehehe that’s what she said

**Payno** : you make those jokes way too much 

**Nialler** : it’s funny

**Tommo** : nope sorry 

**Harold** : anyways what do you guys want for dinner

**Payno** : idk 

**Harold** : well i could either order pizza or try to make updog

**Nialler** : what’s up dog???

**Harold** : nothing much man hbu?

**Nialler** : oh my god harold!!!

**Payno** : wow

**DJ Malik** : that was kinda funny ngl 

**Tommo** : i’m so proud 

**Tommo** : you finally made a joke that was funny

**Harold** : you say all my jokes are funny :/

**Nialler** : busted 

**Tommo** : well i think they’re funny 

**Harold** : mhm 

**Payno** : anyways… just order pizza 

**Tommo** : yeah cuz i’m Hungary 

**Nialler** : maybe you should Czech your fridge 

**Tommo** : i’m Russian to the kitchen 

**Nialler** : did you find anything? maybe some Turkey? 

**Tommo** : yeah but it’s covered in Greece 

**Nialler** : there is Norway you can eat that

**Payno** : you guys are so weird 

**DJ** Malik: plz stop 

**Nialler** : but i don’t want to Finnish

**Tommo** : me neither i was Havana good time 

**Harold** : okay you're done 

**Harold** : what type of pizza should we get?

**Payno** : hawiian!!! 

**Tommo** : OBJECTION!

**Tommo** : i hate pineapple on pizza

**Payno** : objection denied!

**Tommo** : your denial of my objection has been overruled!

**Payno** :  your overruling of my denial of your objection has been eaten by godzilla

**Tommo** : well played lima 

**Harold** : i’m just gonna order pepperoni 

**Payno** : my name is liam payne 

**Tommo** : i think we know that 

**Payno** : but the liam is silent 


	7. seven

_**Ash**_ to _**Puke**_

**Ash** : wake uppppppp bitch 

**Puke** : whyyyyy

**Ash** : cuz we’re going shopping 

**Puke** : for why tho

**Ash** : we have that thingy 

**Puke** : the one tonight 

**Ash** : no 

**Ash** : the one that was yesterday 

**Puke** : piss off

**Puke** : no need for the shade 

**Ash** : you know i can’t help it

**Ash** : i’m like freaking palm tree 

**Puke** : how is a palm tree relevant to this conversation ?

**Ash** : you said i was giving shade

**Puke** : okay?

**Ash** : and palm trees have big leafs

**Puke** : and?

**Ash** : and those leafs give off shade 

**Ash** : like me 

**Puke** : ohhh i get it now

**Puke** : it was really stupid but now i get it 

**Ash** : why do i date such morons???

**Puke** : what other morons have you dated ashton?

**Ash** : well let’s see

**Puke** : i’m waiting 

**Ash** : shut up you know what i meant

**Puke** : do i? 

**Puke** : because i don’t think you’ve dated anyone else besides me

**Ash** : on the contrary 

**Ash** : you see i’ve dated other people just none as idiotic as you 

**Puke** : i’m honored to be your first idiot 

**Ash** : and im honored to be your first genius 

**Puke** : ha 

**Puke** : as if 

**Ash** : whatevs

**Puke** : are we leaving soon?

**Ash** : i guess 

**Ash** : meet me at my room

**Puke** : i’m coming 

**Ash** : hurry 

**Puke** : i’m here little sick boy 

**Ash** : we both know that name isn’t accurate 

**Puke** : shut up ash

**Puke** : i’ll kill you

**Ash** : make my freaking day bitch 

**Ash** : and don’t forget your key card 

**Puke** : thanks mum 

**Ash** : pretty sure you’re supposed to call me daddy 

**Puke** : fuck off

**Ash** : i’d rather fuck you please 

**Puke** : enough you horndog 

**Puke** : come open the door 

**Ash** : wait 

**Puke** : are you coming?

**Ash** : i wish 

**Puke** : wait what?

**Puke** : oh my god i just got it 

**Puke** : i hate you 

**Ash** : sorry :(

**Ash** : did you just leave me read?

**Ash** : rude ass with a great ass 

**Ash** : i guess i won’t let you in since you don’t want to answer me

**Puke** : fine i answered 

**Ash** : that’s what I thought 

**Puke** : you are a thot 

**Ash** : sometimes 

**Puke** : what do you mean “sometimes”

**Puke** : dude open the freaking door 

**Ash** : are you happy now bitch 

**Puke** : stop texting me

**Puke** : i’m literally standing next to you

**Ash** : fineeeeee 

  
  


_**Puke**_ to _**Ash**_

**Puke** : what the fuck is taking you so long in there?

**Ash** : these pants are to get off

**Puke** : are they stuck on your thighs again 

**Ash** : … yes 

**Puke** : as much as i live your thighs they really give you trouble

**Ash** : truth

**Puke** : but you know for being the oldest in the band you really act like a child 

**Ash** : fuck off luke

**Puke** : fine ig you don’t want me to help you

**Ash** : come on plz help 

**Puke** : that doesn’t sound like a sincere apology

**Ash** : sorry

**Ash** : now plz come in here

**Puke** : what will you do for me in return

**Ash** : luke! 

**Puke** : oh look at this Dairy Queen has their seasonal blizzard flavors maybe I’ll go over to the food court and get something 

**Ash** : wait i’ll make you a deal

**Puke** : i’m listening 

**Ash** : if you help me with these pants i’ll blow you 

**Puke** : right here really? we never do anything sexual 

**Ash** : well it’s your lucky day then

**Puke** : fine

**Ash** : yes! hurry up

**Puke** : wait nvm 

**Ash** : LUKE 

**Ash** : whyyyy

**Puke** : i don’t feel like getting blowed in public 

**Ash** : ugh 

**Ash** : i’ll blow you when we get back to the hotel

**Puke** : deal!

  
  


_**Ash**_ to _**Puke**_

**Ash** : i lost you 

**Ash** : where did you go?

**Puke** : i’m in the parking lot 

**Ash** : why

**Puke** : some soccer mom tried to get me to sign her tits in the food line so i ran

**Ash** : aww sorry baby 

**Puke** : it’s okay

**Puke** : uh ashton

**Puke** : some guy is trying to sell praying mantises from asia 

**Ash** : wtf

**Ash** : who would want to buy a praying mantis 

**Puke** : uh me

**Puke** : i bought one and his name is ashy 

**Ash** : of course you did

**Ash** : just dont have sex with it. it’ll bite your head off after 

**Puke** : good call

**Puke** : it was looking at me all seductive like 

**Ash** : that’s how they get ya

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. eight

**_The Fantastic Four + Niall_ **

**Nialler** : i think we should have a group chat with 5sos 

**DJ Malik** : eh 

**Tommo** : i think they have some weird hero worship thingy for us

**Tommo** : kinda creepy

**Nialler** : but can you blame them?

**Nialler** : we’re forking awesome 

**Payno** : did you just say forking?

**Nialler** : oh i’m sorry liam

**Nialler** : would you rather me say 

**Nialler** : sp-sp-sp 

**Payno** : don’t you dare 

**Nialler** : SPOONS 

**Harold** : niall! 

**Harold** : you know he’s sensitive 

**Payno** : idk why i’m even friends with you 

**Nialler** : we aren’t friends 

**Nialler** : you’re nothing more than a paycheck 

**Tommo** : ssssss burn!

**DJ Malik** : i think liam needs some ice for that one 

**Harold** : anyways

**Harold** : instead of bullying liam

**Harold** : Niall make a group chat with 5sos 

**Nialler** : on it!

  
  
  


**_Nialler_ has added _Payno_ , _DJ Malik_ , _Tommo_ , _Harold_ , _Ash_ , _Puke_ , _Cal_ , and _Mikey_ to _The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants_!**

**Nialler** : hey bitches 

**Puke** : uh hi?

**Harold** : stop it niall it’s scaring them!

**Tommo** : wtf???

**Tommo** : what is sisterhood of the traveling pants supposed to mean 

**Nialler** : you have never seen that movie?

**Nialler** : you uncultured hoe

**Harold** : you’ve seen it lou 

**Harold** : it has blake lively in it 

**Tommo** : who???

**Tommo** : isn’t that deadpool’s wife or something 

**Mikey** : you don’t know who blake lively is?

**Mikey** : doesn’t gossip girl ring a bell?

**Tommo** : uh no 

**Harold** : that’s it!

**Harold** : i want a divorce 

**Cal** : hold up 

**Mikey** : you guys are married??????

**Tommo** : not technically 

**Nialler** : basically

**Harold** : kinda 

**Tommo** : we aren’t legally married but like ya know 

**Mikey** : if you guys get married can we be invited???

**Tommo** : no

**Mikey** : ouch 

**Harold** : he’s joking 

**Tommo** : no i’m not 

**Cal** : can i officiate the wedding

**Cal** : i have my license for it and everything 

**Nialler** : hell no!

**Nialler** : if anyone is marry them it’s me

**Nialler** : i am the captain of the larry ship and i shall set their matrimony in stone 

**Tommo** : uh okay?

**Harold** : sorry calum

**Cal** : it’s fine ig :(

**Harold** : not nice niall!

**Nialler** : sorry not sorry 

**Payno** : can we talk abt something for a quick sec 

**Nialler:**???

**Payno** : is it just me or does ashton look like the long lost love child of lou and harry?

**Mikey** : oh my god!!!

**Nialler** : i see it

**Puke** : ahahahaha 

**Ash** : wait wut 

**Tommo** : don’t encourage him

**Harold** : i have a son!!!!!!! 

**Tommo** : i just made him forget about his obsession with being pregnant 

**Tommo** : thanks a lot guys 

**Harold** : i want a baby 

**Harold** : lou get me a fucking baby 

**Tommo** : how exactly am i supposed to do that 

**Harold** : i don’t care! just figure it out!

**Tommo** : here’s ashton 

**Tommo** : *inserts picture of ashton*

**Tommo** : he’s your new baby

**Ash** : uh 

**Tommo** : go with it or i’ll kill you 

**Ash** : uh hi dad?

**Mikey** : this is getting weird 

**Cal** : someone get this man a baby!

**Mikey** : pretty sure some crazy fan would give you their baby 

**Nialler** : that’s just messed up 

**Payno** : it’s true tho 

**DJ Malik** : yeah… the fans will do some crazy shit 

**Nialler** : remember when harry puked on the side of the road and some one gathered it and sold it on ebay 

**Puke** : someone say my name?

**Puke** : oh you meant actual puke 

**Payno** : idk what’s worse 

**Payno** : the person going on the side of the highway and collecting literal vomit 

**Payno** : or people biding money for that vomit 

**Tommo** : well harry is pretty cool

**Payno** : yeah so is elton john, but i don’t want his vomit 

**Tommo** : then you aren’t a true fan

**Harold** : lou do you love me enough collect my vomit off the side of the road and sell it on ebay?

**Tommo** : ew no

**Tommo** : i mean

**Tommo** : of course sugar pie honey bunch anything for you

**Harold** : your gross 

**Tommo** : your grosser 

**Harold** : i don’t even think that’s a word 

**Tommo** : shut up

**Ash** : mom!

**Ash** : dad!

**Ash** : plz stop fighting 

  
**Nialler** : the larry baby has spoken! 


	9. nine

_**The Meme Team** _

**Mikey** : guys i’m ending it all

**Cal** : oh good i’ve been patiently waiting 

**Ash** : adios 

**Puke** : good riddance 

**Puke** : i call dibs on your xbox!

**Cal** : um excuse me i’m his bunk mate

**Cal** : if anyone is getting his xbox it’s me

**Ash** : so how are you gonna end it mikey?

**Puke** : why does it matter

**Ash** : so we know if we can have an open casket or not… Duh!

**Mikey** : GUYS!

**Mikey** : i’m not killing myself

**Mikey** : i was talking about that new song i’ve been working on.. i’m just gonna scrap it

**Cal** : bummer

**Mikey** : asshole

**Cal** : what?? i really wanted that xbox

**Mikey** : don’t worry about me 

**Mikey** : i’ll just suffer in silence 

**Ash** : could you suffer in silence more quietly?

**Mikey** : ig i’ll just go drown my sorrows in my hidden stash of vodka 

**Cal** : you have a hidden stash of vodka?

**Cal** : where?

**Mikey** : if i told you then it wouldn’t be a hidden stash anymore 

**Puke** : you know mikey alcohol is not the solution 

**Mikey** : i mean alcohol is chemically a solution 

**Mikey** : but in this situation it is also my solution 

**Mikey** : its really my solution in any situation

**Puke** : … mikey no

**Mikey** : mikey yes

**Cal** : guys i have a very important question 

**Ash** : this ought to be good

**Cal** : is cereal a soup???

**Mikey** : seriously 

**Mikey** : that’s your question… 

**Cal** : what? it’s a valid question 

**Ash** : that is not a valid question 

**Cal** : is so

**Ash** : is not 

**Cal** : is so

**Ash** : is not 

**Cal** : is so 

**Ash** : is not

**Puke** : CHILDREN

**Puke** : ENOUGH 

**Cal** : is so 

**Puke** : listen up ugly ass motherfucker 

**Ash** : get wrecked 

**Puke** : shut up ash before i wreck you 

**Ash** : yes please

**Mikey** : stop being so yucky!!!!!

**Cal** : i’ll brb i’m gonna to go rinse my eyes with the holy words of the lord 

**Ash** : i don’t want to hear it

**Ash** : you two are the most unnecessarily inappropriate people i have ever met 

**Mikey** : pshhh 

**Cal** : never i 

**Mikey** : you’ve got the wrong guy 

**Ash** : mhm 

**Puke** : wait.. now i have a question 

**Puke** : is a hotdog a sandwich? 

**Ash** : i’m going to choose to ignore that 

**Puke** : meanie 

**Ash** : shut up 

**Mikey** : that is no way to talk to your mans 

**Puke** : ^

**Ash** : he ain’t my mans no more 

**Ash** : i’m returning him 

**Ash** : just gotta find my receipt 

**Puke** : sorry... Liz says no returns 

**Ash** : ig i’ll just return you to ur last hoe 

**Puke** : do it then 

**Puke** : i’m waiting 

**Mikey** : noooooo 

**Mikey** : my second favorite ship 

**Mikey** : laaaaaaaashton don’t break my heart like this 

**Cal** : whos your fav ship then??

**Mikey** : malum…

**Mikey** : obviously 

**Cal** : ew

**Cal** : never gonna happen 

**Mikey** : just admit it 

**Mikey** : you’ve got the hots for me

**Cal** : pass 

**Ash** : aww you two are the second cutest ship i’ve ever seen 

**Mikey** : who’s the first?

**Ash** : lashton 

**Puke** : ^^

**Puke** : agreed 

**Cal** : let’s not lie to ourselves 

**Cal** : the best/ cutest ship is cake 

**Ash** : sorry no it’s mashton 

**Puke** : i think i like muke 

**Cal** : nah it’s cashton 

**Ash** : no matter what pairing gets shipped in this band

**Ash** : no one will ever be larry 

**Mikey** : true dat

**Cal** : they are THE power couple 

**Puke** : i wish ashton loved me as much as louis loves harry 

**Puke** : i mean we’re basically the larry of 5sos

**Cal** : how?

**Puke** : it’s obvious 

**Mikey** : ??

**Puke** : allow me to explain 

**Puke** : ashy and louis: oldest

**Puke** : me and harry: youngest 

**Puke** : me and harry: lengthy 

**Puke** : ashy and louis: just lil 

**Mikey** : did he just use the terms “lengthy” and “just lil”

**Cal** : i think he did 

**Ash** : i’m telling louis you called him small 

**Mikey** : give him a break, he’s big!

**Cal** : one of personal favorite louis tomlinson quotes 

**Puke** : ANYWAYS 

**Puke** : ash and louis: loud and funny 

**Puke** : me and harry: quiet and thoughtful 

**Cal** : are you done?

**Mikey** : no one cares that you think your as good as larry 

**Mikey** : we all know it’s not true 

**Puke** : i know we aren’t as good as larry 

**Puke** : i’m just saying that lashton is the larry of 5sos 

**Ash** : meh 

**Ash** : i think malum is more larry material 

**Mikey** : i’d rather be ziam 

**Puke** : wtf is ziam???

**Mikey** : liam and zayn 

**Mikey** : duh 

**Puke** : liam and zayn would actually be kinda cute 

**Mikey** : right!!!

**Cal** : but they both have girlfriends??

**Puke** : one word cal

**Puke** : beards 

**Cal** : maybe.. maybe not 

**Ash** : do beards get paid?

**Mikey** : ask elevator 

**Ash** : who the fuck 

**Cal** : that’s what people call louis’s beard

**Cal** : her names eleanor 

**Ash** : well i knew that 

**Cal** : eLoUnOre iS rEaL 

**Puke** : she kinda scares me tbh

**Mikey** : she seems like a lovely girl 

**Puke** : as about as lovely as taylor swift 

**Mikey** : why you hating on tay tay?

**Cal** : cuz she’s crazy?

**Ash** : he hates anyone who keeps his ship apart 

**Mikey** : SAME

**Ash** : hopefully one day they can free from that hell 

**Puke** : omg i hope one day they get couple pics for the cover of vogue!!!

**Mikey** : me too gurl me too 

**Ash** : look at us being a bunch of larries 

**Cal** : can we be larries if we know it’s real?

**Ash** : duh 

**Puke** : i think we need to get our tickets to board the ss larry 

**Mikey** : agreed

**Cal** : aaaaaaaaaa

**Cal** : guys!!

**Ash** : wut 

**Puke** : what??

**Cal** : larry is trending on twitter 

**Cal** : this is not a drill

**Cal** : I repeat 

**Cal** : THIS

**Cal** : IS

**Cal** : NOT 

**Cal** : A

**Cal** : MOTHER 

**Cal** : FUCKING

**Cal** : DRILL 

**Puke** : love that for them 

**Mikey** : who else wants to get lashton trending?

**Ash** : meh 

**Puke** : ouch bitch 

**Ash** : just let larry have their moment

**Puke** : they always have their moment 

**Ash** : they’re allowed 

**Ash** : don’t be a rude ass with a great ass 

**Puke** : you already used that line

**Ash** : not my fault i have a mild obsession with your ass

**Mikey** : it’s a little more than mild

**Ash** : nuh uh

**Puke** : my contact picture in ur phone is just my ass 

**Cal** : ew

**Ash** : he has pants on!

**Cal** : thank god

**Puke** : oh i almost forgot 

**Mikey** : what 

**Puke** : i need to tell you guys something kinda important 

**Cal** : what’s going on? ur kinda scaring me 

**Ash** : same 

**Puke** : plz don’t be mad cuz i’m already scared 

**Cal** : just tell us 

**Puke** : i’m pregnant 

**Mikey** : i hate you

**Cal** : fuck you luke you scared us 

**Ash** : for a second there i was panicking 

**Ash** : then i was like wait that can’t happen 

**Mikey** : wow ashton ur dumb

**Mikey** : but perhaps this would be a lesson for uncle mike to teach you 

**Puke** : ugh 

**Cal** : plz don’t 

**Mikey** : one of my personal favorite sayings to live by 

**Mikey** : don’t be silly, wrap your willie!

**Cal** : die

**Mikey** : gladly 

  
  



	10. ten

_ **Harold** _ **to _Tommo_**

**Harold** : i miss youuuuuu 

**Tommo** : you saw me 5 minutes ago

**Tommo** : we’re literally going to the same hotel

**Harold** : sooooo? i still miss you 

**Harold** : i need your cuddles lou

**Tommo** : yeah?

**Harold** : yes :)

**Tommo** : well i need your booty

**Tommo** : preferably on my dick

**Harold** : LOUIS WILLIAM

**Tommo** : what?

**Harold** : stop being so dirty all the damn time 

**Tommo** : sorry love

**Harold** : it’s fine ig

**Harold** : you wanna know something?

**Tommo** : sure..

**Harold** : on a scale of 1 to 10. You're a nine. Cuz i’m the one you need 

**Tommo** : no wtf i’m a 10

**Harold** : stop it i’m trying to be cute 

**Tommo** : it’s not working 

**Harold** : meanie 

**Harold** : you know i think we should go paintballing 

**Tommo** : uh why

**Harold** : i think it would be very healthy for us to shoot each other 

**Tommo** : no way 

**Tommo** : paintballs hurt

**Harold** : you’re a scaredy-cat 

**Tommo** : idc if it hurts me but i don’t want to hurt you 

**Harold** : die

**Tommo** : that’s not very kind 

**Harold** : don’t be cute 

**Harold** : i can’t stand it when your cute

**Tommo** : uh why

**Harold** : cuz my car is 10 minutes behind yours and i cant pinch your cheeks like i want to when your adorable like this

**Tommo:** piss off 

**Tommo** : i am not cute

**Tommo** : i am very manly and very tough

**Harold** : suuuuure

**Tommo** : you plan on going out tonight?

**Harold** : probably not 

**Tommo** : oh good, then we can “fold laundry”

**Harold** : are you feeling alright lou?

**Tommo** : uh yeah??

**Harold** : you never want to clean 

**Tommo** : i didn’t actually mean fold laundry 

**Harold** : oh 

**Harold** : OHHHHHH

**Tommo** : smh 

**Harold** : you’re dirty 

**Tommo** : sorry not sorry 

**Harold** : are you in the hotel room yet?

**Tommo** : yes

**Harold** : can you unlock the door for me?

**Tommo** : sure abby

**Tommo** : *baby

**Tommo** : ...here we go

**Harold** : who the fuck is abby

**Tommo** : calm down love

**Tommo** : it was just autocorrect 

**Harold** : mhm

  
  


—

**Tommo** : what’s taking you so long in there in that damned bathroom?

**Harold** : i’m about to get a shower

**Tommo** : send me a pic!

**Harold** : buzz off 

**Tommo** : not like a nude 

**Tommo** : like one of ur hair all spiked up 

**Harold** : like i said before

**Harold** : your freaking cute

**Tommo** : oi!

**Harold** : it’s true tho

**Tommo** : nuh uh

**Tommo** : took you long enough

**Harold** : why are we still texting?

**Harold** : we’re laying right next to each other 

**Tommo** : don’t feel like talking 

**Harold** : would you feel like talking if i got naked?

**Tommo** : no not really 

**Harold** : ouch 

**Tommo** : my mouth would be a bit too busy to talk

**Harold** : you sly son of a bitch

**Tommo** : thats me

**Tommo** : mr smooth

**Harold** : yeah 

**Harold** : except for ur face 

**Harold** : that’s kinda prickly 

**Tommo** : kinda

**Harold** : i don’t like it 

**Tommo** : you like it when it’s buried between your thighs 

**Harold** : louis!

**Tommo** : am i wrong?

**Harold** : well no…

**Tommo** : i’m not even offended that you don’t like it

**Tommo** : you don’t like anything 

**Harold** : i like sleep 

**Harold** : and i don’t mind you 

**Tommo** : gee thanks

**Tommo** : i think i’m gonna go down stairs 

**Tommo** : you want anything 

**Harold** : yes!

**Harold** : they have a slushee machine 

**Harold** : can i have a blue one plz?

**Tommo** : sure 

**Tommo** : i’m gonna get a red one

**Harold** : sounds good

**Tommo** : hopefully it doesn’t stain our tongues 

**Harold** : if it does then we can make purple ;)

**Tommo** : look who’s being dirty now

**Harold** : i learn it from you dear 

**Tommo** : perhaps…

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. eleven

**Ash** : where are you guys 

**Puke** : uh right next to you

**Ash** : not you dummy 

**Ash** : i meant cal and mikey

**Cal** : got lost then chased by a mob of teenage girls currently hiding in a mcdonald’s kitchen 

**Mikey** : that sounds boring 

**Cal** : well what are you doing that’s soooo much more entertaining?

**Mikey** : i’m trying to rearrange the alphabet so that U and I are together 

**Puke** : can’t tell if he’s joking or fr flirting with cal rn 

**Cal** : there’s no need for that mikey 

**Cal** : N and O are already together 

**Ash** : pfft 

**Puke** : that kinda sucks 

**Mikey** : shut up luke.. you kinda suck

**Ash** : do not be mistaken 

**Ash** : he sucks quite well actually, there’s no kinda about it 

**Cal** : plz no

**Cal** : i thought we were finally past the innuendos and sexting in the chat

**Mikey** : yeah, they make private conversations for a reason 

**Cal** : can we avert the conversation to my current predicament

**Ash** : that’s a pretty big word you used there cal

**Mikey** : hahah that word has dick in it

**Ash** : you know what else has dick in it

**Cal** : don’t do it ashton 

**Cal** : i’m warning you 

**Cal** : i mean it 

**Ash** : … Luke!

**Puke** : well not currently 

**Ash** : we can change that ;)

**Cal** : die

**Cal** : drown

**Cal** : succumb

**Cal** : decease 

**Cal** : depart 

**Cal** : expire 

**Cal** : end 

**Cal** : cease 

**Cal** : just literally be no more 

**Puke** : that was a lot of synonyms for die 

**Mikey** : idk why but when someone says synonyms i think of cinnamon rolls

**Ash** : ah yes synonym rolls

**Ash** : just like grammar used to make em 

**Cal** : well when i hear the word hippocrate

**Cal** : i think of some gangster hippo 

**Puke** : pfttt why 

**Cal** : it sounds like hippo crip 

**Mikey** : ahahhahah

**Puke** : BYEEE

**Ash** : im just picturing a hippo with like a teardrop tattoo, baggy pants, a blue bandana, some chains, and a glock 

**Cal** : that’s what i’m going to be next year for halloween

**Ash** : plz don’t 

**Cal** : you were a cow last year 

**Cal** : you have no room to be a- 

**Cal** : -wait for it-

**Cal** : HIPPO CRIP!

**Ash** : i’m done 

**Ash** : bye

**Ash** : see ya 

**Ash** : adios 

**Puke** : okay we get it 

**Ash** : cheerio 

**Puke** : stop it

**Mikey** : sayonara

**Ash** : adieu 

**Mikey** : so long

**Ash** : farewell 

**Cal** : enough 

**Mikey** : wait cal are you still in that mcdonald’s kitchen 

**Cal** : nah i just left 

**Mikey** : damn it!

**Cal** : uh why 

**Mikey** : i wanted a sausage mcmuffin 

**Cal** : Its literally the late afternoon 

**Mikey** : soooo?

**Mikey** : mcmuffins have no boundaries!

**Cal** : alrighty then 

**Ash** : as i was saying 

**Ash** : arrivederci 

**Puke** : you looked that one up didn’t you?

**Ash** : nah, i’m just that sophisticated and intelligent 

**Puke** : yeah? then what language is it 

**Ash** : hold on

**Puke** : no looking it up!

**Ash** : uh french?

**Puke** : no stupid it’s italian

**Ash** : i knew that!

**Ash** : i was just keeping you your toes

**Ash** : it’s was a test!

**Puke** : mhm

**Ash** : congrats babe you passed 

**Puke** : i think i want to continue on the synonyms for die 

**Ash** : i think you mean the cinnamons 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. twelve

_**Meme Team** _

**Cal** : FINALLY

**Cal** : A day off

**Mikey** : YES! 

**Mikey** : I now have the whole day to bother Calum!

**Cal** : stay away from me Michael

**Mikey** : Just love me!

**Puke** : yeah cal 

**Puke** : just love the poor guy

**Cal** : no

**Mikey** : whyyyyy

**Cal** : i’m straight

**Cal** : and im pretty sure you are too

**Mikey** : dont label me 

**Mikey** : plus the stuff i wanked to last night definitely wasn’t straight

**Ash** : i told you luke

**Ash** : it was mikey who was watching the gay porn 

**Mikey** : damn 

**Mikey** : you guys heard it???

**Puke** : quite loudly

**Mikey** : shit sorry dudes

**Ash** : as you should be

**Ash** : luke wouldnt even have the seggs with me cuz he could hear you moaning

**Cal** : when you said seggs i read it as eggs

**Puke** : nope, not having eggs with ashton either if i can hear mikey moaning

**Mikey** : we should sound proof our bunks

**Cal** : YES! I I COULD FINALLY GET A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP

**Puke** : good, then i can be as loud as I want

**Cal** : you mean to tell me that it could be louder??

**Ash** : oh yes

**Ash** : luke is very vocal

**Mikey** : “yes daddy! harder daddy!”

**Cal** : stop it michael

**Cal** : i dont need the reminder 

**Mikey** : im still scarred from that night

**Puke** : oops

**Cal** : i mean we already knew ashton had a daddy kink

**Cal** : but to hear it live was just too much for my little heart to bear 

**Mikey** : ah, ash’s daddy kink

**Mikey** : what a mystical being

**Ash** : uh lets not talk about my kinks, okay?

**Mikey** : nah i think we shall

**Ash** : if you keep talking about it i have no issue sharing the little bit of information that you shared with me the other day

**Mikey** : you wouldnt dare

**Ash** : try me bitch

**Mikey** : okay okay i surrender

**Cal** : i don’t!

**Cal** : ash also told me that he wants to try cbt!

**Ash** : CALUM

**Ash** : THAT WAS CONFIDENTIAL

**Puke** : WHY DOES CAL KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO TRY CBT BUT I DONT??????

**Mikey** : WHAT EVEN IS CBT?????

**Mikey** : nevermind i looked it up

**Mikey** : BUT WHY DOES CAL KNOW AND NOT LUKE????

**Puke** : THANK YOU MICHAEL!

**Ash** : I WAS DRUNK AND VULNERABLE   
  


**Puke** : YOU”RE SUPPOSED TO BE VULNERABLE WITH ME IM YOUR BOYFRIEND!!!!!

**Mikey** : WHY ARE TYPING IN ALL CAPS????????

**Puke** : BECAUSE IT EMPHASIZES MY BETRAYAL 

**Ash** : i didn’t betray you

**Ash** : drunk ash did

**Puke** : nooooo drunk ash is my fav ashton

**Ash** : wow why dont you just tell me how you really feel

**Puke** : oh come on

**Puke** : dont be so sensitive

**Cal** : i have to agree with luke on this one

**Cal** : drunk ash is the superior ashton

**Puke** : well i thin we like drunk ash for different reasons

**Cal** : -he’s fun?

**Puke** : HES HORNY!!!!

**Cal** : yep we definitely have different reasons

**Mikey** : you two are so insensitive

**Mikey** : sober ash is the best ash!

**Ash** : Thank you michael

**Ash** : at least someone cares about my impending alcoholism 

**Puke** : oh my god you dont not have IMPENDING ALCOHOLISM   
  


**Ash** : how you would know?

**Ash** : you only like drunk ash

**Puke** : i dont only like drunk ash

**Puke** : hes just my favorite

**Ash** : yeah well you wanna know my favorite you?

**Ash** : SLEEPING LUKE

**Ash** : cuz he doesnt talk and sometimes stops breathing

**Mikey** : YOU STOP BREATHING IN YOUR SLEEP???

**Mikey** : MEE TOOOOOOOO

**Cal** : thats not good

**Cal** : you two should get that shit checked out asap

**Mikey** : we should talk about something more positive

**Cal** : you mean our friends saying that they only like each other when the other is drunk or unconscious? 

**Cal** : nah i think this is very healthy

**Puke** : I DIDNT SAY I ONLY LIKE ASHTON WHEN HES DRUNK!!!!   
  


**Ash** : but you did tho

**Puke** : shut up

**Ash** : you wouldnt talk to drunk ash that way

**Puke** : you’re right i wouldn’t 

**Puke** : CUZ ID BE TOO BUSY CHOKING ON HIS DICK

**Cal** : ouch that’s gotta burn

**Mikey** : where did you go ash? i’ve come to comfort you 

**Ash** : PLEASE HELP

**Ash** : A 12 YEAR OLD JUST TRIED TO GRAB MY JUNK

**Ash** : SOS 

**Cal** : 5SOS? 

**Mikey** : ahahahah

**Ash** : i’m glad my assault is something that brings u joy

**Ash** : SOMEONE COME HELP ME 

**Ash** : i locked myself in a bathroom but the 12 year old is trying to beat down the door

**Mikey** : nah sorry

**Cal** : no can do pal

**Ash** : lukey???

**Puke** : uh i’m still angry with you 

**Ash** : come on!

**Puke** : maybe sleeping luke will help you

**Puke** : he is your favorite right? 

**Ash** : PLEASE!!!!

**Ash** : i can hear her press on nails scratching at the door

**Mikey** : that’s a tad concerning 

**Ash** : guys come on 

**Ash** : i’ll do anything

**Cal** : you have nothing to offer that i’m interested in

**Mikey** : ^

**Puke** : if i come save you, you gotta blow me right after 

**Ash** : deal!!!!!

**Mikey** : come on guys 

**Cal** : seriously? right in front of my salad?

**Puke** : no meme-ing cal

**Cal** : then no sexting in the group chat

**Ash** : that was very tame 

**Puke** : we can sext if you really want us to

**Mikey** : OH GOD PLZ NO

**Cal** : ^

**Cal** : first mike’s gay porn then ashton daddy kink now this lashton bullshit 

**Cal** : i can’t catch a break!

**Ash** : boo hoo sucks to be you

**Mikey** : beautiful poetry ashton 

**Ash** : thanks mikey 

**Mikey** : i got your back

**Ash** : you know what?

**Ash** : i think its about time that we have mashton be a thing

**Mikey** : that sounds fun and all but i dont want luke to hurt me

**Puke** : no no you can have him

**Mikey** : well i still have these unresolved feelings towards cal that i kinda need to work on so

**Cal** : wait you were being serious?

**Mikey** : i mean yeah

**Puke** : damn, the tea

**Cal** : what about crystal?

**Mikey** : what about her?

**Cal** : are you two still together?

**Mikey** : yeah?

**Cal** : thats cheating!

**Mikey** : oops

**Mikey** : its fine

**Mikey** : she slept with a couple of guys so 

**Mikey** : and I think a girl too so

**Cal** : I will not be payback

**Mikey** : nah, you’re too cute to be a rebound

**Ash** : luke?

**Puke** : yeah ashton?

**Ash** : im scared of what i have created

**Puke** : you ready to bounce?

**Ash** : yup

**Cal** : wait dont leave me here with mr questioning his entire sexuality over here

**Mikey** : thats kinda cold cal

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) let me know if i should co tiniest this or not


	13. thirteen

**Puke** : Do you have any acid?

**Puke** : *acid

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : acid

**Ash** : lukey?

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : im not meaning to say acid

**Puke** : i mean acid

**Puke** : no not acid

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : Ashton plz help

**Puke** : what the hell acid

**Ash** : you good babe?

Puke: Ashton!

**Puke** : acid

**Ash** : sorry i dont have any acid

**Puke** : acid

**Puke** : help me figure out why its saying acid

**Puke** : im trying to say acid but its saying acid

**Puke** : WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKK

**Puke** : i swear im typing acid

**Puke** : HELP ME

**Ash** : dang why do you want acid so badly??

**Puke** : ASHTON FLETCHER I SWEAR

**Ash** : calm down love, if you want acid then ill get it for you

**Ash** : i’ll have it for after the show

**Puke** : COME HERE NOW

**Ash** : i dont have any acid right now

**Puke** : im gonna come kill you

**Puke** : you did this didnt you?

**Ash** : mayyybeee

**Puke** : you are as good as dead

**Ash** : eh it was worth it

**Puke** : oh before i forget

**Puke** : can i have the thing?

**Ash** : the “thing” ;)

**Puke** : the new song lyrics… 

**Ash** : awkward... 

**Ash** : but come on im hot, youre hot. lets bang

**Puke** : you are truly romantic 

**Ash** : i try

**Puke** : just say those three words, eight letters and im yours

**Ash** : I got food?

**Puke** : BET

  
  
  
  
  



	14. fourteen

_**The Meme Team** _

**Mikey** : GUYS WE HAVE A NATIONAL EMERGENCY 

**Puke** : why whats the issue?

**Mikey** : there isn’t a sad sunglasses emoji 

**Mikey** : like what if i want to show that im unhappy but still cool??

**Cal** : you arent cool so you dont need an emoji to show it

**Mikey** : your such a jerk 

**Cal** : *you’re

**Mikey** : your so annoying smh

**Cal** : *you’re

**Mikey** : STOP DOING THAT YOUR MAKING ME ANGRY!!!!

**Cal** : *you’re

**Mikey** : FINE.. IM GONNA SLAP YOU’RE FACE!

**Cal** : … *your 

**Mikey** : oh my god why do i even like you??

**Ash** : like in a laddy sort of way or…

**Mikey** : i wish i knew

**Puke** : im so happy!! another gay!!!

**Mikey** : im not gay

**Mikey** : im cal-sexual

**Ash** : luke you arent gay either and neither am i??

**Cal** : you arent?????

**Ash** : we’re bi dudes

**Mikey** : i think i might be too

**Ash** : great

**Ash** : welcome to the team

**Puke** : cal? Anything you want to tell us?

**Cal** : nah i think im straight

**Cal** : well except for the fact that i would let machine gun kelly rail me but thats no important

**Puke** : YOU WHAT!!!???

**Ash** : HOW IS THAT NOT IMPORTANT???

**Mikey** : seriously mgk but not me?? 

**Cal** : dont take it personally

**Ash** : he was pretty hot when he played tommy lee in that motley crue movie

**Puke** : facts

**Cal** : I KNOW RIIIIGHT

**Mikey** : dont mind me

**Mikey** : my feelings are only hurt a lot

**Cal** : -sorry

**Cal** : here ill make it up to you

**Mikey** : how?

**Cal** : ill take you out on a date

**Mikey** : wait really?

**Cal** : sure mark your calender for feb 30th

**Mikey** : OMG IM SO EXCITED

**Puke** : CAL

**Ash** : so who gonna tell him??

**Mikey** : tell what to who?

**Ash** : michael buddy pal

**Ash** : there is no february 30th

**Mikey** : oh

**Puke** : CALUM THOMAS HOOD

**Ash** : well that was a dick move cal

**Cal** : it was only a joke

**Ash** : your bass skills are a joke

**Cal** : well then

**Ash** : dont worry mikey, i got ur back

**Ash** : mikey?

**Puke** : great job CALUM he left

**Ash** : dick bag

**Puke** : go ahead and stab him mikey

**Puke** : i allow it

**Ash** : yeah ill bail you out of jail

**Mikey** : BET

**Cal** : kinda scared now

**Ash** : as you should be

**Mikey** : as much fun as planning cals demise is, im gonna go beat off to some more gay shit

**Ash** : uh tmi bitch

**Puke** : plz do it in the privacy of your hotel room

**Mikey** : well duh i wasnt raised in a barn

**Puke** : those sounds you were making the last time me and ash heard you sounded like they belonged in a barn

**Mikey** : RUDE

**Cal** : you guys wanna hear a joke

**Ash** : is it your basslines?

**Cal** : no its your drumfills

**Puke** : TELL US THE JOKE DAMNIT

**Cal** : knock knock

**Puke** : whos there?

**Cal** : daisy

**Ash** : daisy tomlinson??

**Cal** : no shut up youre gonna ruin it

**Puke** : daisy who?

**Cal** : DAISY ME ROLLIN, THEY HATIN

**Ash** : why dont you take that joke back to 2007 when it might’ve been funny

**Cal** : shut up ashton

**Ash** : shut cal

**Puke** : quit acting like children

**Cal** : yes dad

**Cal** : oh wait

**Cal** : wrong persons kink

**Ash** : smh

**Puke** : DADDY

**Cal** : OKAY THATS ENOUGH

**Ash** : THEN QUIT BEING A MORON

**Mikey** : im back

**Puke** : already?

**Ash** : -awkward-

**Mikey** : shut up lucas

**Cal** : you guys ever wonder if you have an allergy that you just dont know about?

**Puke** : when i was younger i got stung by a bee and had to go to the hospital

**Mikey** : OMG I REMEMBER THAT

**Cal** : oh yeah, you had to take the deep penis

**Ash** : uh.. What??

**Cal** : he had to be injected with an EPIC PENIS

**Cal** : oh for christ’s sake

**Cal** : Epi Pen

**Ash** : that is not where i thought you were going with it

**Puke** : OH NOOOO

**Ash** : what the matter?

**Puke** : my mom is watching will and grace

**Mikey** : good for her its a great show

**Puke** : SHE JUST ASKED IF A TWINK WAS SHORT FOR TWINKIE

**Ash** : OH NOOOO

**Cal** : did you explain to her that you are in fact a twink

**Puke** : if anybody is a twink its ash

**Ash** : Just because im SHORT DOESNT MAKE ME A TWINK

**Cal** : keep telling yourself that twink-le toes

**Ash** : I literally top like 90% of the time

**Cal** : didnt need to know that

**Mikey** : seriously, you take it up the ass Ash?

**Ash** : only on special occasions

**Cal** : damn, the more you know


	15. Chapter 15

**_The Fantastic Four + Niall_ **

**Nialler** : guys i'm bored

**Nialler** : i thought that a day off would be relaxing but nah

**Nialler** : can we plz do something

**Harold** : like what?

**Nialler** : you can buy me NANDOS

**Payno** : no thx

**Tommo** : let's go egg peoples houses

**Tommo** : or steal a car

**Tommo** : or rob best but

**Tommo** : *buy

**Tommo** : but if there's a store called best butt we can rob that too

**Harold** : how would you rob best butt? you're already the CEO ;)

**Nialler** : -anyways

**Payno** : let's try to make plans, fail, and move in with our lives

**DJ Malik** : sure, why not

**Payno** : let's meet at 5?

**Harold** : oops no can do

**DJ Malik** : i'll cancel last minute

**Tommo** : i'll over sleep and forget to come

**Payno** : okay, thanks lads

**Nialler** : you guys ever have one of those days where you find a stick and everyone looks like a piñata?

**Nialler** : cuz you guys are currently making me have one of those days

**Payno** : uh

**Harold** : no-

**Tommo** : FUCK YEAH

**Tommo** : happens all the time tbh

**Tommo** : except i don't even need the stick my fists do just fine

**Payno** : that's a tad violent

**Tommo** : my car also does the trick

**Harold** : louis!

**Tommo** : what?

**Harold** : one of these days you're going to get arrested and i'm not bailing you out

**Tommo** : yeah, right

**Nialler** : hahahaha

**Payno** : harry you couldn't live 5 minutes without louis

**DJ Malik** : gotta agree

**Harold** : nuh uh! i'm am perfectly capable of functioning without louis!

**Nialler** : suuuuuuuure

**Payno** : it's okay harry. i think it's quite cute

**Harold** : ITS NOT CUTE AND ITS NOT TRUE

**Tommo** : fine, i'll be sleeping in my own hotel room tonight since you don't need me

**Harold** : fine!

**Tommo** : good

**Harold** : great

**Nialler** : on one hand i'm loving this cuz i'm finally going to have a night where i can't hear the headboard banging against my wall

**Nialler** : but on the other hand as the captain of the ss larry i feel like this is the titanic

**Tommo** : don't be so dramatic

**Harold** : yeah it's not like we're breaking up

**Harold** : right?

**Tommo** : of course we're not breaking up hazzy

**Nialler** : oh thank god

**Nialler** : i honestly don't know what i would do if the ss larry hit an iceberg and began sinking down to the bottom of the atlantic ocean to its impending doom

**Nialler** : probably swim to shore and then captain the ss ziam

**Payno** : the what now?

**Nialler** : ss ziam

**DJ Malik** : what is that?

**Nialler** : you and liam duh

**Payno** : but we aren't together?

**DJ Malik** : and liam is straight?

**Payno** : wait, you aren’t too?

**DJ Malik** : haven't decided yet

**Tommo** : aww zayns in his denial faze

**Tommo** : what a time

**Harold** : actually i never actually had one of those

**Nialler** : yeah me neither but i guess i was still have time 

**Tommo** : i have

**Payno** : i haven't

**Tommo** : just wait, it'll come

**Payno** : i don't think so


End file.
